Its a Girl Boy Thing

Sex: As Natural As Poop!

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A word as simple as “Sex”, is refused to be said out loud by a lot of people because of the taboos attached to it. Sex seems like the Lord Voldemort of the Muggle world (Harry Potter Reference), where everyone knows that it exists but no one dares to speak about it, at least not in the open. Where Censor Board in our country tries to blur the scenes and ban the movies that show even the slightest potential to be screened for “adults”, on the other hand we also have people trying to do the “Kiss of Love”, First Youtube Video to show Indian people kissing the same sex, and other kind of social experiments to make others aware about Sexuality. It seems like a hypocrisy to the country that has given birth to things like Kamasutra, sculptures in Khajurao etc to not talk about sex and label it against the culture. It should rather be the other way round!

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One needs to understand that fantasy is a natural part in any human life. Our goals, our passion, our dreams somewhere, somehow are a part of the fantasy world that we want to live in. This can even expand to our sexual needs. One might fantasize by watching porn movies, soft porn, movies that showcase nudity, by touching oneself, or even by looking at something. All of it falls under the umbrella of NORMAL Fantasies which come natural to human beings. One needs to draw line when it comes to glorification of sex or accessing activities that advertise rape or other unacceptable actions. Many Psychologists believe that if a person can watch porn, they have an unconscious desire or a potential to rape as well, whereas others believe that porn addresses merely to pleasure and nothing more than that! I guess it all comes down to an Individual. No one is a born rapist. One needs to develop self-control and understand that pleasures like Masturbation, touching oneself, and watching porn need to be one’s own business!

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Not talking about the hormonal and bodily changes to people close to oneself might lead to sexual tensions and curiosities that you yourself might not be able to find answers to. Keeping it to oneself will lead to nothing more than sexual tensions, weird thoughts and anxiety. One needs to share what one feels, what one thinks and what one experiences to someone close, be it family, friends or anyone close and trusted in general. Watching porn, Masturbation, Attraction, Love are all very natural feelings that have been coming to the human beings even before fire was discovered. There is no shame in accepting what you are! There is no shame in doing things that everyone refuses to talk about. Dialogue makes it a lot easier! When we were kids, we used to refer to pooping as “number 2”, it is the same phenomena! If we wouldn’t have talked about it at the right age we wouldn’t have been potty trained correctly. The interaction allowed us to refer to “number 2” as poop, openly. If we can overcome that shyness, then why not this! Sex is as natural as POOP!

 

Take Care!

 

 

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The Contradiction

When asked what being a girl means to various guys, we are usually told that it is very easy, that we always have the option of falling back onto marriage if our careers do not lift off as well as we hoped. The irony here is great because most women are doing excellent in their careers but according to their families, only the trophy of being married matters, everything else is just a hobby that may drift away in a while.

Marriage is just an example, what the society is actually producing in us is a contradiction. A contradiction between being Independent and being what the society wants us to be. We are told to not be scared of the outside world, but then we are put in cages for our “protection”. We are told to go out, discover ourselves and find our identities, but one step forward and we are pulled back every time, so we try to figure out who we are in the little corners of the society that we are told to live in.

I think all of us have been the victims of the emotional d5095661rama that follows asking for permission for something you may have not done before like going out for dinner with your friends. And then you are blamed for ruining everyone’s mood because you finally got the courage to ask for freedom. That’s not what a girl is supposed to do in our society, at least the primitive part of society because the new generation is just pushing us to do so.

Even if we do escape the clutches of this Neanderthal thinking, and go out into the world, our minds are poisoned with various fears so that we eventually give up and come back to mother nests, living like nothing more but second grade dependents.

Our society can be considered to be a joke, because it’s in the process of changing so it believes in empowering women but it hasn’t changed completely so practically implementing women empowerment is nowhere to be seen. It’s like teaching a bird to fly but then telling it, why don’t you just fly in the cage, what’s the need to go outside?

So this is what it really feels like, being a girl, fighting against yourself and the society and yourself almost every day because you want to be great and you want to be independent but the society has other plans for you, so you fight a little everyday just to make your place in the world, just to feel a little better about yourself but sometimes the societal pressure becomes so much that all your will to fight just dissolves into thin air and you find yourself nodding yes to all questions while dying a little inside. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like in my world, a girl’s world, how “easy” it is, here’s a summary of it.

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Taking a Stand

Only women and girls know the cost of being the ‘other gender’, the gender that is thought to be intriguing and mystical in some places and is looked down upon in most of the other places, where they aren’t treated with fair rationality and rather are looked upon as objects that can be tampered with. It goes without saying and may seem incredulous, if spoken to the contrary, that every girl at some point in her life has gone through some situation or has had an experience that has made her feel insecure in the body of a woman. Such incidents when often brought out into the open, unite women and raise awareness amongst them that their will need not be fettered and tamed by the male sex.

Talking about such instances, I’d take the liberty of going over an incident which occurred in front of me and my family that happened with my older sister, who is two years elder to me. My family and I were on a vacation in Kerala and on this particular day we were exploring the very famous Kovalam beach as naïve tourists and just enjoying the crowded but breath-taking landscape of the Malabar Coast. We were prancing about and clicking as many pictures as could be fed into the camera, when my sister noticed that a man was clicking pictures of her. My father and I brushed it off as just being too sceptical, however our apprehensions soon turned into contempt as he followed us in whichever direction we went, still pointing his phone’s camera towards my sister. We waited for a few minutes so as to ascertain the veracity of our assumptions. It soon became increasingly evident that the man had no intentions of minding his own business and went ahead taking pictures indecently. That’s when I had an internal conflict with my conscience. One part of me told me to let it go and leave the area and that we would never meet the man again but the other part told me to not let him go scot-free this time and actually teach him a lesson.

My father came to my sister’s aid and confronted the man. He refused to owe up to his indecency and resisted every effort to reveal his vulgarity. However, luckily there was a police officer in the vicinity and my dad called him over to where the man stood, many people had gathered around by this time. The police officer through his method ways made the man open his phone gallery and it was a shocking revelation to find out that he had more than a thousand pictures and videos of many such innocent women in his phone. He was made to delete them and was taken to the nearby police station where an FIR was lodged against him and his friends, unfortunately enough his friends managed to escape from the scene. Despite being outraged by such an act, I found some reassurance in the fact that a suitable treatment and justified punishment will be meted out to the doers of such ignoble deeds and was reaffirmed about my future course of action in similar situations where there will be no room for any doubts as to what should be done.

Woman outperform Men

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Target the Innocent

India is a patriarchal society and women have always been treated like they were less than men, as if we were made for their whims and fancies. In such a world, growing up as a girl can be difficult or in some major cases, even scarring.

What has become a common topic of discussion and a common ground for attachment, are the various instances of sexual assault we have experienced as we grew up.

When I was just a kid, I must have been in 2nd class, I went to a supermarket with my family in Agra. I remember it was extremely crowded on that specific day, the reason though I seem to have forgotten. The crowd was how you would expect a crowd to be in UP, but it didn’t seem unsafe, at least to me or my parents. Plus I had been to this supermarket a billion times, and thus I didn’t have the fear of getting lost.

I couldn’t control my excitement; I remember rushing to where all the barbies were kept almost as soon as we entered but the row with all the toys was extremely crowded and there was a flow of humans coming every second. I had no patience and started going against the crowd, that’s when it happened. I remember trying to push my way when a guy groped my breast. I still remember the faces of all the people crossing me, and that uncomfortable feeling that came after I was groped. I shrugged it off as nothing and continued on my journey to where they kept the barbies.

But something about the incident seemed weird. As a kid, I didn’t understand why he had done that and I kept telling myself that it was nothing more than a mistake on his part , even then the seed of a doubt remained as to how could that person could grope my breast by mistake? I felt something was wrong, even though “grope” was a word that didn’t yet exist in my dictionary.

It was years later that I realised what had happen, that I was assaulted in the public but being a kid and therefore unaware, I made no move. Maybe this is why these predators target kids, they take advantage of their innocent minds.

Girls all over India have been through incidents like mine, and have had fear instilled in their minds. The worst part about this is the fact that at that time you tell yourself that it was nothing, but years later when the epiphany hits you, your knees shake and you feel violated to say the least.

Every time I cross a crowded place now, I make sure that my hands cover my chest and even though I have overcome the horror and trauma from this, a lot of girls don’t. They live in fear, experiencing flashbacks throughout their lives. So let’s work to change our society, to make it safe for all the young girls out there who do not have to grow up with scars around their hearts which only let out fear.

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Cages.

Being a girl always comes with a feeling of being trapped. We can’t go out without feeling like it’s a privilege bestowed upon us, that this may be the greatest thing our family members or anyone has ever let us do.
I remember an incident in where one of my family members who was always very concerned about me coming home by latest 8’o clock informing me that his son, who was younger than me, was had gone out with his friends and was to return late in the most casual tone possible, as if what he was doing was perfectly normal behaviour but if I was to stay out even a little late, I am a ‘girl who is getting out of hand’.
As I have grown up I have hated this kind of discrimination. I am very well aware of the fact that this if just for my safety and nothing more but we ourselves have created such a society where my family members have to think a lot before sending me out.
The society tries to put cages around as much as possible, trapping us as if it’s a sin to be girl. I say let us out, let us fill the streets. Let us accept this plain and simple truth, the society will be a safer place if it’s us girls out there rather than the men dominating the city at nights. What I am asking for is not revenge but plain simple equality where even we, women of the new era are exposed to the night and beauty of the city lights. Oh, how we crave it!
All I want to say is – society, you may trap us but, darling, we will break free, for we were born to be free.

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Over-rated concepts of beauty.

‘You’re beautiful’ a simple sentence made up of just two words can make a girl’s day. Maybe because all we crave is to be beautiful in the eyes of others, we crave it with a deep force and many of us have succumbed to the society’s idea of beauty because of it.
The society never tells young girls that they are beautiful the way they are, instead their flaws are pointed out, creating a sort of insecurity since childhood. As a child, my weight was always pointed out to me, I was told a gazillion times that I would be beautiful if I lost a little weight. But 3 years later I realised that I am beautiful no matter how much I weigh. It took me 3 years to get the notion of beauty dictated by society out of my head and concentrate on what I find beautiful. You can be dark, you can be fat , you can be short, you can be too tall, you can be all these things and still be beautiful. All you need to do is realise that you are beautiful, to fully accept who you are. You need to fall in love with yourself to actually see how beautiful you can be. Make up is not the answer though wear it if it makes you feel empowered. Wear whatever you want, if it makes you feel good. It’s your body and it is beautiful.
The society tries to make us girls believe that beauty on the outside, is all that matters. So we become gift boxes, beautiful on the outside but completely empty inside. I mean c’mon, even in fairy tales the prince fell in love with the ‘fairest’ lady of the land making us all believe that unless we are extremely pretty, we would end up alone. So we grew up, grooming ourselves on the outside and killing ourselves a little inside.But we weren’t really made to be Barbie dolls, we were made to rule this world with our intelligence and our aura and not our looks. Groom yourself inside, your inner beauty will find its way to your face.
Repeat after me, I am beautiful, I am beautiful and I will forever be.

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Not just a walk in the park.

To find solace, I went to the nearby park. I had honestly visited this park a million times, never alone but I didn’t think going there alone would be a big deal until today. I finally found the peace, I had to come to look for. As I sat there, listening to songs and waving hi to the kids nearby, I saw a white car cross the park. It had loud songs playing and thus was hard to not notice but I didn’t pay much heed to it. My instincts came up on high alert when the car came around a second time and stopped near the park. I found that to be weird but I brushed it off as nothing. Nevertheless, I made my way out of the park and started walking back to my college. As I moved forward, I heard the same song that was playing in that car once again. My curiosity took over and I turned to see that the same car was now behind me along with another blue car. I breathed a sigh of relief when the cars crossed me and moved ahead but the both stopped a little while after. I continued walking and walked right past them and they moved on only to stop again at some distance. By this time my instincts were flaring so I decided to take a shorter route. I was happy to see the blue car driving away but the white car stayed on my trail for quite some time. As I came near the gate of the college, he stopped his car but I crossed it without showing him any sign of the fear that was rising inside of me. As soon as I crossed him, he started following me again. I quickly retracted to my college, finding relief in the fact that nobody could actually harm me in there.
As I walked to my hostel, I played the whole scene again and regretted going alone in the first place. That’s when I came to my senses and realised that going alone did not seem to be unsafe because it was 1 o clock in the afternoon and the park was situated well within a good residential area. But still I was followed. I still felt a fear inside of me, every time that guy stopped his car.
I will not stop going out or live in fear but what this experience specially made me realise that I might as well be just a girl in a world full of men. I talk about being strong and not letting men control the best of you but when I came face to face with such an experience all I thought was, I need to get out of here safely. All I felt was plain,simple fear in its rawest form.
So to the man that followed me, I would only like to say that I hope that you someday too feel like the way you made me feel and I’m much more than some girl you can bully, I am a women on her way to change society so nobody can make a girl feel the way you made me feel today.

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When the night comes.

The darkness holds a lot of secrets, we consider it as evil, an opposite ti light which denotes happiness and good. This dark also signifies for a lot of women in India, danger.
Being a woman in India is scary, especially if you are one who has to stay out late at night. The dark which provides a blindness for our eyes and a perfect opportunity for savages seems to be a nightmare for most women in India. You never know what hides in the dark, what could happen to you when you walk down that dark road, you might just come out into the light with scars that would last an entire life. Or atleast, that’s what we are told by our parents, grandparents, aunts and basically the whole Indian society.
“beta, 7 baje tak aajana, safe nahi hain ladki ka bahar rehna itne late tak” is a dialogue every girl in her life has atleast once heard, either by her parents or some distant aunt who loves raining on our parade.
The most ironic part is the paradox it creates. You tell women to come back before dark, and hence there are less number of women outside after dark and because there are less number of women out after the dark, it gets even more unsafe.
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While there are a lot of people who are allowed to stay out after dark, I have noticed that these people share something very big in common, their genders, they are all guys. We are living in the 21st century and still we live in a society where not even the parents but even women themselves think twice before moving out after dark because as I said before, the dark could be hiding anything. But that doesn’t mean that we stay inside our houses, scared of the men outside. We have to rise against such imposition over our freedoms. This is 21st century, we aren’t damsels in distress anymore, we have to come out and save ourselves. We have to fight for our freedoms. We have to fight for a safer society so that the sunset does not remain our curfew forever and no nosy aunties lecture us about how unsafe our society is.

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#GrowingUpAGirl

So, I think most women or to put it another way…most young ladies will get when I talk about that incessant nagging we accustom ourselves to when so many people tell us, “Psst, adjust that top. Your bra strap is visible.”. Am I right or am I right? Why the same behavior isn’t meted out to the young lads we see every day, genuinely, is something I have failed to understand.

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THEM TO HITCH THOSE SKINNY PAIRS OF JEANS UP ALREADY, WILL YOU?!

The picture below, quite aptly proves my point.

So ladies. The next time anyone (especially a guy) comes and tells you about that small bit of cream or black or purple poking out from under that top, I hope you’ll have the perfect response!

Cheers!

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Image Courtesy: Facebook

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Journey towards revelation

It seemed like a normal train ride, and maybe it was a normal train ride. I was going from Chandigarh to Delhi, feeling happy about finally going home. I was very comfortable travelling alone and did not have any fear in my heart, call me brave or call me just another victim of circumstance. I had traveled in this train a million times and hence was very used to it. Usually while traveling I kept myself busy with a book or a movie and hence did not get the time to actually look out into the lives of other people as we passed through their towns.
This time, nothing kept my attention, I felt restless and thus thought maybe looking out the window will provide me the peace I was looking for. I looked out of the window of the train, we were at some random station, I saw a group of approximately 6 men looking at me. What traumatized me weren’t their stares but the look on their faces as they stared, it looked like I was a delicious piece of chicken being offered to dogs. What troubled me more is that they didn’t look away even they saw that I could see them looking at me, it felt like it was their right t look at me and I was committing a huge crime by making them feel uncomfortable about it. The train that had seemed safe suddenly dissolved into being dangerous. I looked away but they didn’t. I tried to distract myself by watching a movie but my mind kept replaying their stares.
That train journey was a revelation, it made me realize what really is the state of women in our society. I had heard and written a many articles of the change in the thinking of Indians but in that moment I realised, those are just words. While the inking has changed in many places, it stays the same in some. Women are still seen as sex objects, put on earth only and only for the gratification of men.images
I am a law student, who has worked  for NGOs and trying to make a difference in society. But for them , I was just a piece of meat , an object for gratification. My thoughts, my ideals didn’t matter to them. To them, I wasn’t a human being with worth. This is the society we live in, this is what is India made up of. We do have many people fighting for change in mentality and it would eventually come but do we really have to be victims to glares , eve teasing, rapes etc till then? I believe I made a huge mistake by looking away, I should have stared them right in the eye and let them know that I am too a human being. But in that moment, I felt sorry about being a girl.
We together need to fight this mentality, We together have to work towards equality so that no girl has to ever feel sorry for what she is.
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